the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
