Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
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