when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
