When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
