You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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