I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
