I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
