god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
