I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
