I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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