My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
