If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
