Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We have started to decorate penises.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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