I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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