will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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