You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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