We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
