shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
