We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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