How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my sisters under your porch take her home
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i think i just naturally attract stoners
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
