I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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