I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
