Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
