Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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