I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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