I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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