i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
