my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
