I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
