I molested 6 butterflies tonight
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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