Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
