So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
