I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
