If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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