I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
