Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
