I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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