He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
As shirtless as possible
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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