Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
