Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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