My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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