it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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