if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
