The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
