I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
