This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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