my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
