he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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