I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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