You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
