What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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