just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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