I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
