It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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