And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
