I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Randomize
