omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
