he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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