mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
