I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
