I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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